Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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