Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
