You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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