Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
