chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
