I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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