Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
