we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Who died my cat blue again?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
