Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
