I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
