Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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