90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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