apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
