i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
