THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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