Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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