the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
