Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
