walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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