Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
