in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize