just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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