Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Text me some of your sweat
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