Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
