He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
