Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
