im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize