Just fell off a train. Bad.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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