I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
