Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
