this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
