I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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