i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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