i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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