my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize