is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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