so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
