If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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