yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
