Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
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