so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
