My room smells like vodka and shame
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
