They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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