I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
