how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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