If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
