she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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