there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
