it glows. i had to have it.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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