they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
