Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
