haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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