Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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