Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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