Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
