I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
