HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
