Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
