I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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