So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
