my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize