I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
