If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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