he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
