I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
