Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
