just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
We just shotgunned beers for America
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
