dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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