We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
This baby is an asshole
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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