Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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