final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
