I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
do herpes really smell.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
