but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
