I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
