Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
