My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
