Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize