He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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