The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
