i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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