Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
