It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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