i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
