if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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