I should be sponsored by Trojan
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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