Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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