i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
